As spring blossoms, I find myself on the cusp of a major milestone: my eldest son is set to graduate high school.
My husband and I have thrown ourselves into the whirlwind of college preparations—countless drafts of application essays, exhaustive research into various institutions, and scheduling campus visits.
Yet, amidst this chaotic flurry, I often grapple with the reality that we are about to launch our child into a world that can sometimes feel hostile to the values we hold dear.
In the thick of this process, doubts periodically creep in.
I wonder if I have equipped my children well enough to confront secular ideologies and if I’ve stressed the importance of our family and faith community as anchors in tumultuous times.
Insights from Dostoevsky
To help me find clarity during this intense period, I recently picked up a collection of personal letters by the esteemed Russian author, Fyodor Dostoevsky.
One letter, in particular, struck a chord with me.
In it, Dostoevsky responds to a mother seeking advice on how to instill moral values in her eight-year-old son in the face of a rapidly evolving society.
Dostoevsky wrote this letter in 1878, a time of significant upheaval in Russia.
The nation had just emerged from serfdom a mere two decades earlier, and various revolutionary movements were stirring.
It was a time marked by tension, which understandably prompted the mother to seek guidance on shaping her child’s understanding of right and wrong as traditional societal structures began to falter.
However, Dostoevsky’s response diverged from conventional parenting advice.
He refrained from providing easy solutions or sharing personal anecdotes—his own experiences as a parent remain largely elusive, though he had four children.
Instead, he examined the challenge from a broader, philosophical lens, drawing insights from his extensive exploration of human nature in works like *The Brothers Karamazov*.
Like the concerned mother, I too wish to arm my children with the truth, enabling them to navigate through a myriad of conflicting ideas and potential missteps.
The shared struggle of parenting in a world that constantly shifts connects me with this mother, even across the chasms of time and geography.
Modern parenting guidance typically emphasizes the importance of shaping a child’s character or curating an environment conducive to desirable outcomes, such as emotional resilience.
This pragmatic approach can be comforting for parents weary from the demands of raising children in today’s society.
The Essence of Goodness
In contrast, Dostoevsky offers a profound shift in perspective.
He seems to recognize that prescriptive measures may not universally resonate.
Rather than insisting on specific changes to her parenting style, he redirects the mother’s focus inward, emphasizing her own embodiment of goodness.
Dostoevsky, astutely aware of the mother’s earnest desire for her child’s well-being, recognizes the weight of her responsibilities.
He validates her concerns about the chaos of society while cautioning her against overextending her instinctual protective nature.
Some lessons, he suggests, cannot be taught through direct instruction; rather, children learn from lived experiences.
According to Dostoevsky, merely conveying what is right or wrong isn’t enough for authentic moral development.
He urges the mother to reflect on the deeper question: why should her child honor or love her? His essential message encourages her not just to instruct her child in moral principles but to embody those values in her own life, thereby naturally fostering them within him.
Elaborating on the essence of goodness, Dostoevsky underscores the importance of truth as a guiding principle.
He argues that truth should be a tangible moral commitment guiding daily actions, rather than an abstract notion.
For him, this pursuit of truth is inextricably linked to universally acknowledged moral principles, highlighting the necessity of introducing her child to the teachings of the Gospel and an understanding of God.
Dostoevsky compassionately assures the mother that even if she falters in her parenting at times, the enduring influence of a parent who lives out essential virtues will ultimately shape the child—much like nurturing a branch on a thriving tree.
When a parent consistently embodies love and truth, children naturally gravitate toward those values.
Teaching a child to cherish goodness is thus intricately tied to their capacity to love the parent who exemplifies it.
A Journey of Self-Reflection
His insights eased some of my apprehensions while presenting new challenges.
On one hand, Dostoevsky provides a straightforward framework amidst the complexities of parenting, reminding us that we don’t need to grasp intricate theories to convey fundamental truths about good and evil.
His perspective reassures that humans instinctively seek the truth, a notion that can guide us along our parenting journey.
However, this realization is accompanied by the daunting responsibility of deep self-examination.
If I aspire to guide my children toward a sincere appreciation for goodness, I must first embody those principles myself.
Dostoevsky’s response resonates with a core tenet of Christianity: self-reflection must precede critiques of societal issues or the failings of others, echoing the teachings of Jesus, who emphasized personal accountability.
Motherhood can be incredibly challenging.
It has revealed profound depths of love within me—love so immense that it draws me closer to the divine.
This recognition feels like a precious blessing.
While motherhood is a gift in itself, it transcends personal joy; its true purpose lies in the well-being of my children.
As they transition into adolescence, I find myself contemplating what truly matters.
Is it solely their emotional and physical health? Surely, but it feels like there’s more to strive for.
Their salvation? That is beyond my reach.
Success in the world? That seems too narrow a definition.
Ultimately, reflecting on my journey as a mother leads me to a singular goal: if I can teach my children to love, I will deem my efforts worthwhile.
Dostoevsky’s wisdom encourages me to embark on this journey with genuine introspection of my heart and intentions.
Source: Christianitytoday
