For much of my adult life, I was deeply rooted in the principles of evangelical Christianity.
I adopted a strict lifestyle, viewing the Bible as an infallible guide to life.
Initially, this conviction seemed liberating, but over the years, the rigidity of my beliefs morphed into a heavy burden that stifled the very freedom I once cherished.
The Awakening
My journey began at ten when I attended a church camp, following the path of my older sister, Dorothy Porter, a gifted poet.
While she forged emotional connections with powerful female Christian figures, my choice was more straightforward: I welcomed Jesus into my life, marking what I believed to be a rebirth in faith.
This decision sparked concern in Dod, as I lovingly called her, prompting her to question my newfound beliefs—a dialogue that continued for 35 years.
Despite our differing spiritual paths, both of us felt like outsiders in our family.
I struggled under the weight of my fervent beliefs, often feeling invisible, while Dod dealt with her own challenges as a closeted gay woman until her thirties.
We found refuge in each other, sharing our familial woes—particularly revolving around our father, the esteemed barrister Chester Porter—while promising to keep our discussions private.
Dod’s literary creations became crucial in reshaping my understanding of the world, challenging the dogmas I had long accepted as gospel truth.
While I maintained the façade of a committed evangelical, I secretly admired her bold rejection of conventional norms and her rising success.
Her rebellious spirit introduced me to a world far broader and richer than the restrictive ideology I adhered to, encouraging me to explore life beyond my duties as a dutiful church member.
A Source of Strength
One of her most impactful works was *Crete*, which resonated deeply during my time in a church that marginalized women.
In stark contrast to my environment, Dod’s poetry uplifted feminine empowerment, celebrating strong female figures through the lens of Minoan mythology.
Yet it was her remarkable verse novel *Wild Surmise* that truly catalyzed my departure from traditional gender norms and misogyny; her words became a source of strength in my awakening.
Dod was unwavering in her belief in the power of her art, understanding that poetry could alter lives and instigate change in society.
Despite her own fears—similar to those I harbored stemming from a troubled family dynamic—she never allowed them to derail her creative expression.
Her fearless explorations of crucial topics—such as Indigenous massacres, nationalism, the plight of refugees, and homophobia—guided me in reclaiming my voice amidst the internal turmoil that had characterized my earlier Christian life.
Embracing Change
For many years, I struggled with guilt for my previous self-righteousness, particularly regarding Dod’s identity.
I regretfully found the opportunity to apologize only at her funeral, recognizing the pivotal role she played in awakening my courage.
She embodied the spirit of outspoken defiance against traditional beliefs, illustrating the importance of skepticism towards misleading narratives.
I promised myself that I would never again be silent, understanding that I, too, could contribute to change by dismantling the hidden power structures within religious institutions and supporting those affected by their trauma.
Today, I serve as a psychotherapist and advocate for individuals who have suffered in oppressive religious environments.
Inspired by my courageous sister, I dedicate my work to helping others find their voices, reflecting the fearless journey that Dod navigated with such grace.
Source: Theguardian
